My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
