dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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