I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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