I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
