WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize