apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
