He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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