Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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