Barsexuality is the new black.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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