ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
