Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
