his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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