I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
