Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
