hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
