Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
