Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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