apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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