Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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