I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
