don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
