She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
