Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
