i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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