May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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