just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
