In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
