I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
