watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
