If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
