My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he thought i was a dude.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
