I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
