You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
