its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize