i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
