he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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