No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
