wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Please don't give away my fajitas
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