happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
