my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
