i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
