She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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