it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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