He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize