does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
