I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
