This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
