I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize