my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
