I'm so fucking centered right now
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
