Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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