Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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