Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need a burrito and a hug.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
