so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
