I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
