Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
