haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
