I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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