barbara walters just said penis...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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