While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
