Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
