You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize