your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You can't motorboat a personality
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize