My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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