Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
