He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
