this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
