Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize