last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Randomize
