my phone needs a breathalizer
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
