If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
