His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
