My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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