How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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