I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
