when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
