Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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