I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
