So drunk its hurt
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
