8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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