I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
