paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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