Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
