I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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