Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
