my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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