did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
