I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
