walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
